ILLYML – 28.2

[t1v: another scene, still in flashback]

After washing up in the bathroom, I turned to the mirror.

My reflection illustrated a girl with her wet silver hair hanging down and her skin red from roughly rubbing her wet skin.

The room was tinted orange by the light of a burning candle.

The sky was dark outside the window through the gap in the curtain.

It was still hot after washing, so I opened the beige curtains and unlocked the window, and a cool breeze came in.

I was in a good mood, but the candle flickered as if it was going to go out, and I wondered if I should close the window.

Knock knock.

The sound made me leave the window and approach the door.

“Who is it?”

I opened the door without even checking out who the knocker was.

And I immediately regretted it.

I looked at the figure standing at the door and tried to close it.

But Alastair urgently pushed the door in the opposite direction.

Thanks to this, the door could not be opened or closed—we were in a standstill.

“What are you doing?”

“Let me in Seri·······.”

“I never allowed you to use my nickname, and it’s rude to come here so late at night. Go back.”

“······I am sick.”

“Then there’s even more reason you shouldn’t be here. If you are sick, you should go see a doctor.”

I tried to close the door but to no avail.

Rather, the gap between the door and the wall widened.

Damn it. He was stronger than me.

“What are you doing…?!”

He opened the door, walked in, and hugged me.

“……I missed you, Serina.”

He buried his face deep in the nape of my neck and caressed my face as if to find a sense of stability and reality.

The stroking sensation gave me goosebumps.

“Get away……!”

I pushed him as if I was hitting him.

Then his body shook back and collapsed limply.

Only then could I see his condition.

His black hair was soaked with sweat, and his eyes were hazy and half-closed and heavy-lidded.

I suddenly recalled Marina looking for Alastair earlier.

He was on his way back from being brainwashed.

“Get out.”

I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door wide.

He grabbed my skirt.

“I love you, Serina.”

It was a startling confession.

My body was cold.

I’m used to him attacking and hating me all the time.

I’m horrified.

He confessed love to me with such lifeless eyes.

It was more terrible than a ghost murmuring in your ear.

“If you’re going to throw me away, I’d rather you kill me.”

His hand holding my skirt went up and grabbed my hand.

Reflexively, I tried to shake him off, but his grip was firm.

“……Let me go.”

“I love you. I love you, Serina.”

He didn’t seem to hear me.

Seeing you keep spitting out the words that linger in your head. It was as if I could see an infection spreading.

I hated this.

It was terrible.

It was creepy.

Purple eyes gleamed as if possessed.

I’ve seen eyes like this before.

It was the eyes—not those who have deep faith, but it was the eyes of the crazy religious.

“Let me go!”

“You know what? Seri, you’re lovely even when you’re angry.”

He smiled.

Soon he burst into laughter.

How can you laugh at this situation?

I’m openly saying I don’t like it and expressing fear.

‘You’re crazy…’

His lips open as if he was trying to say something, drawing a line.

I knew what he was about to say and didn’t want to hear it, so I covered my ear with one hand that wasn’t caught by him.

One ear was still open, so I could still hear him.

“I love you.”

At that moment, the wind blew through the open window.

The candle that had filled the room with a flickering orange light suddenly went out.

A strong rejection arose inside my body as if it was a taboo phrase.

“Let go!”

I don’t know where the strength came from, but a burst of energy threw his arm off of me.

I ran out the open door, scared that he might come after me.

A dark hallway greeted me, and I ran until I was out of breath.

Moonlight drenched through the windows.

Stepping on that light, I walked down the stairs.

I gathered my wits about me.

Why did I run away?

It’s my room.

Puzzled by my actions, I turned to go back to my room.


Alastair was behind me.

He came after me. Even though I clearly rejected him and showed my repulsion.

My whole body became stiff and icy.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

He asked, his head tilting. As if he genuinely didn’t understand.

He was extremely expressionless, like a creepy haunted doll.

He reached out to me.

I avoided his hand and retreated back.

I glanced back and spotted the staircase.

When I turned my head again, his hand was close to my nose between my glances.

The accident happened in an instant.


Alastair rolled down the stairs, and I looked into my hand with shaking eyes.

Seeing him approaching, by mistake…

I had pushed him.

I forced my legs to go down each step on the staircase,

“… hey.”

There was no answer back.

“······Wake up.”

It was dark so that I couldn’t see well, but there was something darker and more intense on the stairs.

After looking at it for a while, I figured out what it was.


I felt I saw something I should not have seen.

“Are you dead…?”

I…… I didn’t mean to do this. I just didn’t want you to come near me…

My legs were weak.

There was no more strength to sustain my weight.

A lot of blood came on my collapsed leg.

At that moment, I couldn’t stand it and screamed.

The attendants rushed out, and even when they saw the sight, they moved calmly.

I was barely able to calm down after a little coaxing.

That night, I couldn’t sleep for a second.

I hated you, but I didn’t want you to die.

Don’t die.

When I think about it now, I was young and tender.

8 thoughts on “ILLYML – 28.2

  1. Wow… That’s… Intensely messed up obsession and contradicting emotions. I get it now why Serina keeps pushing him away now after this flashback.

  2. This is soo mess up. I never thought it will be that bad at first. I think I will hang myself if I was in that situation. 😭😭

  3. You know the bit about the candle makes me wonder. Was Alaister the only one who was brainwashed? I mean, I am sure she wasn’t to the extent he was, but maybe her mother did. Anyways, I feel sorry for them both, but it’s an interesting twisted relationship. Thank you for the translation.

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