Damia coldly pressed down the guilt, lingering regret, and confusion welling up in her heart. And she spoke more clearly than ever before:
“… … I’m sorry. I hope you meet a good person.”
At that, Akkard realized: That she will finally abandon him.
A desperate howl escaped unconsciously from his mouth. Damia was startled by that emotional wail.
“I can’t let you go like this! Never!!”
He threw away all his pride and every facade and knelt on the floor. And he bowed his head as if he were a lamb making atonement to the goddess and rubbed his forehead against the hem of her dress.
“Don’t do this, Sir Akkard,”
Damia spit out, clenching her teeth with excruciating guilt and a terrible sense of burden. The more he came out like this, the more repulsed she felt, and the more her feelings would intensify.
But Akkard also went wild with emotions. His first love was painful, and his first broken heart drove him insane.
“Me?— meet another woman? If it was so simple, I would have done so right away!!”
Akkard cried out as if he were vomiting up blood.
It has to be you. It can’t be anyone but you. But you don’t believe it. You never will.
He wished his heart could reflect his feelings, so he could cut open his chest with a knife to take it out and show her. If only Dami believed in him.
“You are the only one I love, Damia Primula.”
Hutched down on his knees, at his lowest point, he recited with the heart of the most wretched sinner. Seeing that he didn’t know how to back down, Damia closed her eyes without saying a word.
It was painful for her to reject him over and over again. She was fine at first, but every time, every time she rejected him, an unknown, uncomfortable pain piled up.
They were now heavy residues, perhaps resembling guilt or lingering feelings. Although her legs were shaking, Damia could still withstand the weight.
But what if those feelings that keep accumulating cross her limits someday? Then, what will become of herself?
You will definitely get hurt.
Her instincts warned her to protect herself. The warning was at least more believable than the beautiful and wretched man in front of her eyes, so Damia willingly heeded it.
“… … So then why did you live such a prodigal life?”
She licked her clapped lips slowly. These were the words she had tried to endure, but Akkard kept pushing her to her limits and made her bring it up.
“… … What?”
He gasped for a while and asked in a husky, hoarse voice. Then, as Damia stared at him with bright blue eyes, she had made up her mind.
“You know what? I really wanted to believe you, too. But what if your past actions make it impossible for me to turn a blind eye?”
Akkard hardened, paling at the blatant resentment of his past. However, as if a dam broke, Damia could not stop the flow of words pounding inside her once she started.
“If I accept you and trust you, it might be fine for now. But even if you become a little less talkative, or if you’re a little busy or I can’t see you for a while, I’ll slowly go crazy with anxiety.”
She would wonder if he was tired of her now or if he was lying and dating another woman.
Damia, who had uttered all the words deep in her heart, bit her lip and took a full breath. And she looked straight into Akkard’s eyes and asked,
“Do you want me to live a life like that now?”
Never. I detest it. I can’t trust you.
More clearly than any utterances, her eyes were saying no. Akkard saw this and felt the blood drain from his body.
It wasn’t even winter yet, but he suddenly felt a terrible cold and trembled. No, the cold wasn’t from his body but from his heart and mind.
He could vaguely foresee his ominous fate ahead: He will live trapped in the memory of having her once while hugging his pierced heart.
Unfortunately, life was too long, and he still had plenty of time left. So he will torture himself in the futile hope that one day Damia would change her mind or maybe glance back at him once.
He would live through countless nights and days, struggling in hope and despair. But every moment will be a painful testament that Damia will never be by his side.
He lost her at this moment. Now and forever and ever.
‘No—please… … .’
Akkard was not immune to such heartbreaking pain. It seemed that even if he was whipped a hundred or a thousand times, it wouldn’t hurt this much.
The woman before him was so beautiful and cold that his heart was crushed and ruined. Helplessly, the broken shreds swelled up and shouted for a place to release.
Then, suddenly, something fell from his eyes.
The burning sensation in his eyes was something he had already experienced once. Since he became immune to pain, he thought he would never feel it again.