As they faced each other and she listened to Akkard’s feelings honestly, his feelings were also clearly visible as if reflected in a mirror.
She no longer loved Kael Roysten. And she was now feeling something all too familiar with Akkard Valerian.
Long ago, she felt for Kael for the first time, a harbinger of her unrequited love. The unfamiliar palpitations and vague affection stretched towards the beautiful man before her.
Perhaps noticing her shaking heart, Akkard confessed in a more miserable tone.
“If I had known that I would have met you, I would not have lived like that—like trash. Had I known sooner, I wouldn’t have treated you like any other woman. I wouldn’t have done such bad things… … .”
Please, I hope it’s not too late. Akkard begged and pleaded as he floundered in the swamp of venomous and painful remorse.
He should have known sooner. That he was going to love her.
Before he blurted out she was a woman who was only useful for her body in front of the Crown Prince or quarreling in front of Lessid’s room, before he ripped the handkerchief she gave him, before trying to half-force her in the carriage… And pushing her into the locker, and finally, before making her cry.
‘Since when have you been falling in love?’
It was his first time, so he didn’t know it was love. He never dreamed that he would be sincere to someone and would wither and die slowly day by day because she couldn’t forgive him.
Not knowing, Akkard remembering the foolish things he had done in the past was deeply despairing.
“I was wrong, Damia. But please… … Give me a chance.”
I’ll be a better person. Although I was foolish and couldn’t give you my first time, I’ll give you my last in return. For the rest of my life, I will only look at you and chase after you.
Kicking and spitting it at me like a dog whenever you’re angry is okay. Even if you attack me with harsher words than the ones I’ve hurt you with, I will gladly accept it. So please… … .
“Don’t leave me.”
The overflow of emotions from his trembling plea made Damia’s heart ache and sink.
But Damia was a woman who could put reason over emotions, and his confession was not rational or reasonable enough to overturn Damia’s decision.
‘If I didn’t know what kind of man he was….’
Then she could have just closed her eyes and let him deceive her once. Unfortunately, Damia knew too about him to the point that it was excessive.
His myriad and countless past women, including Teresa Dmitry. Born into a good family, loved and brought up, beautiful and sophisticated girls like flowers.
Perhaps they also believed that they were ‘special’ to Akkard. Damia couldn’t tell the difference between herself and them.
‘Am I special? How can I believe such sweet words?’
After saying that, what if one day he says, ‘I must have been mistaken. I’m sorry.’ If he withdraws his confession, it’s over.
But at that moment, her broken heart wouldn’t be able to withdraw. Knowing all about Akkard’s past, it was crazy to choose him.
That meant that no matter how the relationship went, Damia would bear all the risks alone.
‘Even if it’s Akkard who changed his mind, I wouldn’t even get an ounce of sympathy.’
The world would point fingers at her—a foolish woman who knew everything and still chose to walk into hell on her own two feet.
Worst of all, she would even blame herself. Why did you choose him then, knowing he was such a man? All of this is the result of your own making.
While painfully embracing her broken self-esteem and struggling in the agony of self-abuse, Akkard would find someone else. Since he was a person in the past who had never cared whether she was in pain or not, he would hold the new girl in front of her without a second thought.
Ah, then, that’s when she would collapse—destroyed forever and ever. Broken to pieces and wounded, she would never get up again.
Damia was simply not confident of being able to endure that hell.
‘So, I can’t.’
That was the conclusion of Damia Primula.