ILLYML – 8.2

I raised my head and looked him in the eye, trying hard to adjust to his new gaze. 

Alastair slowly approached me without saying a word. 

It was like a beast was approaching. 

Did the original Serina feel the same way? It was hard to be sure whether the brainwashing was gone or not because his eyes were still hazy.

The reason I assumed the enchantments were gone because he looked at me like he hated me. 

There was no hard evidence, but there was too much to speculate about. 

‘Alastair, do you hate me?’ Why did I blurt out that with this mouth? 

I just wondered. I needed to know if Alastair truly hates me. 

I wanted to hear the reason why he looked at me like that from his own mouth. 

Even though I knew I was being selfish. 

The Alastair I knew had lost his reason in the Hall of Hallucination. 

I had called him affectionately, as usual, but his reaction was completely different. 

He frowned as if he had heard a horrendous noise.

‘Hauk ··!!’ 

Quickly my view reversed. Alastair had pushed me down on the bed, and without warning, he climbed on top of me. 

I watched without asking what he was going to do. 

His eyes were empty and, at the same time staring at me like they were going to rip me apart.

I had a hunch. 

Maybe he’ll kill me.

There was a moment when the bedsheets got messed up with me kicking trying to relieve the pain. 

I could feel the dampness of the water, not mine, fall on my cheek. 

The damp sensation made me forget the pain and stared at him blankly. 

Alastair, you’re cruel. If you’re going to kill me, do not have eyes like that.

Why are you crying while looking like you are going to tear to death? 

He shed silent tears. But he didn’t let go of the force that weighed on my neck. 

I had been wondering for a long time. 

What am I supposed to do if the unbrainwashed Alastair tries to kill me? 

There was no death route for Serina, the villain in the novel. But I’m not going to let Serina die.

Maybe changing fate’s road might have brought death on its own. 

Far from appreciating the situation of a villain who does not face death, I walked directly to the edge of the cliff with my own feet. 

But there was no regret. 

I asked myself a long time ago. Do I want to live? 

No. 

I don’t have any remorse. The answer was too simple.

The fact is so funny that a laugh comes out of the open mouth. 

What kind of life is it that makes me feel empty? 

”······Hauk!” I’m running out of breath.

I gasped for oxygen without ceasing. 

Alastair looked at me dying with a troubled look on his face. 

I wanted this pain to end quickly.

Even if you don’t care about dying, pain is another matter. 

Tears directly from his eyes fell on my cheeks. 

My face was wet and the pain on my neck was nearing my limit. 

Alastair seemed to want to kill me but not to. It was an incomprehensible and contradictory sentiment. 

Didn’t I have a dim notion that this would happen if I let go of his brainwashing?

“I don’t know why, but I don’t think it’s possible,” he said foolishly, only soothing himself. 

But why. Why? 

If he can’t kill the original Serina, will he be able to kill me without hesitation? 

Turmoil was full of betrayal, but I had pretended not to know.

I smiled faintly. At that moment, all I could think was that it was over. 

At last, my vision flashed. 

Together, we became distant from God. Similar to the original timeline. 

Maybe our intertwined immovable fate only ends when one of us kills the other one. 

It was my last thought before I closed my eyes. 

When I wake up, Alastair and I lay side by side on the bed. 

He was sleeping and I didn’t bother waking him up. 

I am alive. My realization astonished me, and I looked blankly at the ceiling for a moment.

There was a thought that it was all a dream. 

But the moment I looked in the mirror, my doubt was wiped away. The clear marks on my neck was evidence.

Spontaneously, I smiled. 

I don’t know what was so funny, but I laughed and laughed. 

When I finally came to my senses, I left.

Alastair, who approached me after a time, with still-brainwashed-loving eyes, remembered nothing. 

What happened that day was something only I knew.

***

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