ILLYML – 40.1

“Intense encounter? How amusing. You just bumped into each other by chance while visiting the temple a few times. What the hell are you trying to pull? Why are you saying you’re attached to her and protecting the saint at the cost of your own body?”

“Why the hell can’t you believe me?”

“If you wanted me to believe you, you should have made a more plausible excuse. Are you hiding something from me?”

He did not back down, growling, and his question hitting the bulls-eye. His voice grew louder and louder.

“I hate that you got hurt while trying to save the saint.”

“Thank you for your concern, but stop interfering. It’s annoying that you’re like this.”

Before I knew it, I was arguing with Alastair rather than trying to make him understand.

If this is the case, the conversation with him will grow longer and longer and we will react emotionally to each other.

Rather than trying to convince him, I deemed it better to discourage him from continuing this conversation than becoming more heated and arguing even more intensely.

“Serina, the way you look at the saint isn’t the way you look at a close friend. But if she is, then you should know that,”

he said sarcastically as he smirked; the corners of his lips rising to one side.

Like a snake swerving and seizing a fly, his insides were similarly twisting around in anger.

Really, he and I had the same temperament. He always lost to me because he loved me, but he had a temper. I was annoyed as he kept resentfully harping on this topic.

I wanted to pull out his claws so he would stop hounding me.

A violent urge rose to the tip of my head.

“I don’t know what my eyes were like, but what about when they look at you? Do you think you’re any different? Do you think you’re special to me? Don’t get it wrong, Alastair.”

I couldn’t stop my impulse and the words exploded from my mouth.

The atmosphere froze—paying a fair price for my mistake.

His purple eyes turned icier than anything else I had seen before.

I’m going crazy— how could I say something like that?

I made a mistake.

I made a huge blunder while he kept scrutinizing me.

Spilled milk cannot be picked up again.

But even so, I had to safeguard the remaining milk inside.

I opened my mouth to make amends right away, but I only blinked and couldn’t say anything.

He’s special to me.

But why did I say this?

Honestly, it was utter bullshit.

There was no sincerity behind my words at all.

“It can’t be an illusion.”

“…….”

“If I am not special to you, why did you offer to liberate me from my brainwashing?”

“…….”

“I wasn’t sure before, but from the moment you said you’d release me from it—from the moment you took the risk—I was convinced.”

His tone that had been bitter and unnerving until recently was now gone and instead I heard a calm voice.

“So Serina, tell me that you just said was a mistake.”

His purple eyes shook with despair.

“If I’ve been living in a delusion all this time, there’s nothing so desperate and hopeless than that. Tell me it’s a mistake —it’s okay to lie.”

Please, Serina.

His lips parted painfully and urged me.

Seriously, why am I in this state in the first place? It’s not that I’m proud about being stupid.

Bloodstains moved up on the back of his hand as he grabbed the sheet.

If I reply that it is not a slip of the tongue—his blood vessels, heart, or brain—may explode with the shock.

I gently put my hand on the back of his hand.

“…..It was a mistake. I’m sorry, Alastair.”

I couldn’t bear to look at his face and lowered my head nor did I have the courage to break this silence.

I peeled off the blanket and said to him as if running away,

“Let’s stop now.”

The way I got things done was with avoidance.

I tried to get up, supporting myself with my unbandaged arms.

If only he hadn’t grabbed my arm and pressed me against the bed.

He took off the cloak I had poorly covered him with and put it back on me.

His strong arms pretended to wrap his clothes around me and instead secretly embraced me.

“It’s windy outside, so I’m covering you.”

A warm breath touched my ear. He put his lips close to my ear and hugged me.

“I lost. Do as you please.”

A bitter smile escaped his lips.

As always, he will suppress his anger and expel my anger—again.

So you think I won the argument with him?

No, never.

Only regret remains.

When I look back, I will regret what happened today, but I couldn’t fix this mess.

***

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15 thoughts on “ILLYML – 40.1

  1. Thankyou so much for the translations!!

    She’s already told him that she is trying to cure him. I don’t see why she can’t mention that the saintess is another option she is exploring..

    I wonder if he will start getting revenge for what happened to her tonight.

  2. This translation is great!

    It looks like Juliana might have already fallen for the FL. Things are getting spicy.

  3. Ugh, that was a rough argument, but I’m glad she took it back. I don’t understand though, why was she willing to tell him why she saved the elf, but not why she’s saving the saint???

    Thank you for translating this story, I love it! ❤

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