ILLYML – 39.2

My wounds were deep and the blood did not stop flowing.

My torn wounds were pricked with a needle a total of five times and the tie he put on my arm was wet with blood.

I have to leave soon, but my body won’t listen.

I laid on the infirmary bed and stared at the ceiling.

I was under the illusion that If I stretched out my hand, I could touch the ceiling.

“Why didn’t you keep your promise?”

Alastair’s lean his head against my bedside.

His purple eyes were dark.

I patted his forehead with my clean hand.

“Are you still talking about that? I wasn’t in a position to keep my promise.”

I spotted the coat he had covered me with a while ago was curled up in a small crevice between the bed and the wall. I grabbed it and pulled it out.

“People were in danger. That’s why I couldn’t keep my promise and come straight to you.”

“What does that have to do with you?”


“In the first place, you don’t care about people or their circumstances. So why the hell did you save them?”

He seemed exceedingly aggrieved.

Because I didn’t keep my promise? Because I was hurt?

What should I do to alleviate his anger?

I grinned when I registered my thoughts.

Such thoughts would have been unthinkable in the past.

Less now perhaps, but when I lived in Korea, my arrogance was sky-high. Ameliorating someone’s resentment had never even occurred to me back then. I would just leave the relationship.

You won’t be able to have friends when you grow up.

It was a phrase I heard all the time when I was a kid.

But now all I could think of was releasing your brainwashing and sometimes even releasing your anger.

“Thank you for covering me with your coat. After all, you were the only one who took care of me.”

I put the coat over him.

I avoided using my injured hand and tried to put the coat over him with one hand; it ended up looking pretty sloppy.

The cloak is noticeably tilted to one side, and if he even moved his shoulders a tiny bit it would fall helplessly to the floor.

“Don’t change the subject.”

It didn’t work.

I smiled softly and moved to the side. I moved and leaned against the wall leaving enough space on the small single bed.

“It’s a little cold. Stay by my side, Alastair.”

I patted the space next to me on the bed. Then, Alastair came onto the bed and put his body close to mine.

“Cover yourself with the duvet. Then you won’t be cold.”

What came back were frigid words.

He was genuinely angry with me.

I thought it would be easier to calm him down a little.

I thought it would be resolved if I smiled softly and whispered a few sweet words.

I was overconfident and it was my mistake.

He was really angry, so I had no choice but to take him seriously.

“Why do I care about the saint? There’s nothing wrong with using this occasion to build a friendship.”

What can I say?

In fact, in the original book, I saw the saint break your brainwashing. So I’m trying to get as close to her as I can.

The moment I say these words, I knew exactly what kind of expression he would make.

No matter how much he loves me, I’d never escape being regarded like a madwoman from that moment on.

“Was it something you had to do to the extent of getting yourself hurt? It was a saint who was attacked.”


“Why didn’t block it? You wouldn’t be hurt if you hadn’t stopped me.”

As I looked into his cold, underwater eyes, I was convinced.

He wouldn’t understand any explanation I’d give.

“I guess I grew attached to her. I’ve visited the temple frequently and ran into a saint often. After that, we talked a few times and became close.”

It was a white lie.

It was the only excuse I could give

Juliana and I are close?

I could practically hear a passing dog laughing at my ridiculous story.

“Really? You two grew so close after a couple of encounters that you were willing to sacrifice yourself?”

But you don’t give your heart to anyone? It’s funny.”

“I think those few encounters were strong enough to elicit my sacrifice. You know that right? I’m rather weak when it comes to matters of the heart.”

“Liar. Since when did you become so close with the Saint?”

“Don’t be so confident that you know everything about my relationships. And if you did thoroughly know all my relationships, that would be creepy. It would be difficult for me to treat you like I do now.”

In fact, Alastair was my only and most important relationship.

It wouldn’t be unreasonable to know most of my associations.

That’s because my personal connections were few, narrow and shallow.

I couldn’t easily attach myself to this world.

Perhaps because of that influence, I had been busy throwing away people who gathered around me.

“Just as I tried to release your brainwashing because I am weak to affection, so I am weak also to the saint.”


The more I talked, the more I seemed to displease him.

Just like a volcano threatening to explode, if I coaxed him a little more hot emotions would come bursting out of his mouth.

“Do you think Saint and I are comparable? I’ve been with you for nearly a decade. But what about Saint?”

Every time he vomited a word, it felt like a chalkboard being scratched—piercing my ears.

I didn’t want to hear his voice full of annoyance anymore.

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