Love can only fully bloom when basic survival, trust and serenity are the foundation.
Some stories romanticized that danger and crisis could spark love, but at least it was not true for Shada.
She was that kind of person.
Suddenly Shada started to breathe hard—trying to hold back sobs with whimpers. Although she felt stupid, she was endlessly sad and resentful of the reality that was only harsh on her, so it was difficult to suppress her painful feelings.
Oh, how ugly can you be, Shada—here you are, daring to cry in front of him after hurting him?
“*Gasp*! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Huh ughhhuh [crying sfx]!”
It’s unfair. It’s unfair. In the next life, I will surely be born a noble.
Shada was weeping, wailing words that she herself couldn’t figure out what she was saying:
“I don’t hate my master. Hiccup! You’re a good person… I know. But, what can I do if I’m scared? I’m afraid of Princess Julia! I don’t want to be whipped! I’m even frightened to get sick. What if I die like my younger brother and can’t get treated because of money. I’m afraid that there will be no one to engrave a name on my tombstone later! I’m afraid of the wagging tongues and pointed fingers that will accuse me of being a maid that doesn’t know her place—a bitch that has her fangs —who wants a Count! In the end, I will be settled with all the blame and thrown away!”
The fear that had been solidified deeply like a conviction emerged forth.
Huey’s face, while listening to Shada’s confession without a reaction, became distorted when she was done.
He lowered his eyes, then slowly raised his head again, staring at the poor, adorable woman who was crying.
He walked and grabbed her and hugged her in his arms.
He sighed.
“I don’t know why you cry when I show my sincerity.”
Shada hiccuped, jolting in his arms.
He stroked the little back of his head, mumbled for sorry, and held it up as if she were a child.
Naturally, Shada buried her face in his chest and swallowed a cry.
She seemed to have done something ugly and terrible, but apart from that shame, her heart was less cramped. Shada worked hard to endure this embarrassment.
The man’s hand fiddled with the tips of her reddish ears. It felt hot like coal.
Huey hugged her, held her in his arms, and stood up as if contemplating her thoughts and organizing his own.
His green eyes seem to see a far off place beyond the sunny window.
“I’m trying to understand you right now…… .”
“…….”
“Did you think I was going to play with Miss Shada and throw you away? Or make you a concubine, or… Shit. So you thought I was like the frivolous idiots out there.”
“That’s not it.”
Shady denied it. But Huey ignored her reaction.
“Okay, that’s understandable from Shada’s point of view. Right? But I don’t know why I feel so dirty.”
It was a smooth voice, but it seemed as if a boiling heat was rising. Shada looked up at Huey’s dry expression feeling anxious. Huey who glanced at her and frowned. Suddenly, he seized her fingernail that she was biting with strength.
“I’ve noticed it before, but you have a bad habit. Don’t do that. Doesn’t it hurt?”
“It’s a habit I’ve had since I was a child,” she murmured.
Besides, it didn’t hurt very much because she had calluses. Huey frowned as if a thought had appeared on his face. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped her bleeding fingers.
Shada stared blankly as she felt unfamiliar with how he was looking carefully at her wounds.
He kissed the thickly wrapped thumb as if he had said that her rough hand was pretty, thanks to her hard work. A surprise question flew in:
“Even though I said that I liked Miss Shada, did you believe that?”
Did you believe I would abandon you? Shada shook her head. Just, she couldn’t turn a blind eye to reality—things like your identity, status, rumors, and surroundings.
She grabbed Huey’s shirt a little nervously, in case she would see his hurt green eyes again.
The passive and timid personality was resentful again.
I want to express my stance and heart coherently, but that didn’t work. My heart is throbbing and stuffy.
“No, that’s not it.… I am just a maid.”
I tried my best to express myself; perhaps that was the ultimate reason.
Shada’s eyes clung on to Huey, not knowing what to do as he gazed directly into her red eyes.
He narrowed his eyes. Suddenly, his big hand stroked a dry cheek.
“Anyway, the fact that you are so distressed and were holding in so many worries inside… It means you are afraid to give me up and lose me. I don’t know how to take this.”
Huey’s lips turned into a slight smile.
Shada’s heart rate had accelerated.
“I really like this situation.”
A voice shattered dangerously low.
“Didn’t you try to leave me? Without saying a word?”
“……!”
He leaned his head closer to Shada, who was surprised.
He had the angry face from before. In fact, it was as if it had never been extinguished; the fire that had been burning all along seemed to have come out.
Shada vaguely discerned that this man was terribly patient. Even though he was kind and seemed to melt in sweet love with her, he was undoubtedly a terrifying person.
It may feel dangerous, but the difference made her heart flutter even more strangely.
Huey lightly chuckled and then smiled charmingly.
“You are a great woman. Pretending to have no power and then shaking and swinging me around. According to Miss Shada’s words, ‘I’m just a maid.'”
“Master. I…….”
“Do you remember what I said when I first held you?”
‘Maybe, I was impulsive. I wanted to cherish Ms. Shada even more. Enough bound myself to you. I guess I thought it wouldn’t matter if we waited or not.’
He continued succinctly.
“Yes, when I said I liked you, it was on impulse.”
His eyes watched as if the blood was draining from Shada’s face.
“I was trying to hold it in, afraid I would frighten you—but my emotions were so overwhelming that I ended up whispering it without even intending to. Do you know the feeling of being so happy that you can’t control it? You don’t know, Miss Shada. So you’re making up a cute, ridiculous scenario that I’m going to abandon you. I’ll teach you one more while your mouth is closed.”
A chillingly low voice penetrated her ears.
“I can’t abandon you, even if Shada sees my feelings as trivial and thinks nothing of my heart. How dare you.”
***
Ooooooh
Welp, I’m gonna say it.
I dislike his response to her worries. Everything she said is very valid. She’s saying she knows his feelings and she acknowledges then but as someone who has experienced poverty. Love DOES NOT conquer all things. Rather than addressing her fears he gaslights her by saying she’s questioning his feelings. 🤦🤦
Sir, DO BETTER!!.
THANKS for the chapters. 😘
Dude, same. I know it’s just a novel but if I’m gonna get real with it, it’s an example of an upper class chara having been so distanced from working class realities that the ML is incapable of understanding Shada’s plight. The ML is a privileged male in what’s most likely a patriarchal society. But hopefully just like the author pointed out that he already deviates from other males of his class by attending to Shada while “lowering” himself, there will be some attn to character growth where he recognizes the plight of someone like Shada. Maybe I’m expecting to much from a smut novel but I’ve also noticed this book has more depth then I was expecting. I tried this story on a whim expecting it to be to dumb to read, and I would end up dropping it after a few chapters, but I was pleasantly surprised.
Honestly, I don’t like his answers very well. Everything she said is a fact and very valid. She has nothing, no power, no money, no freedom. There’s no way to protect yourself from sharp tongues, from pointing fingers, or from the cruel princess.
And honestly, Count. Instead of asking her about love this, love that. Why don’t you ask yourself whether or not you are able to protect her.
First, security, stability, trust in her. And then come talk about your love.
Honestly, I don’t like his answers very well. Everything she said is a fact and very valid. She has nothing, no power, no money, no freedom. There’s no way to protect yourself from sharp tongues, from pointing fingers, or from the cruel princess.
And honestly, Count. Instead of asking her about love this, love that. Why don’t you ask yourself whether or not you are able to protect her.
First, security, stability, trust in her. And then come talk about your love.
To be honest , I’m mad because the mc and the ml is both idiots , beach and j*rk. If the count hates the princess so much , break your engagement first before f*cking your maid. Don’t justify your action using the princess immatured attitude. Cheating is a cheating you know? The princess might be a b*tch too, spoiled brat and cruel but she can have her karma chosen by God. This is just too much , no woman deserve to be cheated and no man deserved it too. Shada knows the consequence , and choose to be selfish. Theres nothing wrong about wishing you have what the princess have but you knows whats wrong? Spreading your legs to someone else fiance but afraid of the aftermath. Every action had a consequence so I’m really upset how she act like a victim even tho she choose to cheat with him. Anyways , reading how the count response to her concerns prove how trash he is. I thought i found gold , tsk. But the smut is good , but the characters are not.
i hate how he downplayed her worries and insecurities. her reasons are logical and very valid. she’s a maid, a maid who took a man away from his fiance who is a princess of the country. the rumors, the pointing fingers, oh the upcoming attack from the psychotic and vengeful princess. nothing he does will ever rectify that, not even if he did make her his wife (not concubine). she’s powerless, no title, no money, not even a family. love isn’t enough to live a life. and here he got angry and turned her fears around by making it seem like she didnt trust him. damn right she didnt! what have you done for her except banging her and professed your love for her?